Alcoholic Shenanigans
by AnthropologistGirlInTheMaking
Summary: After finally becoming fed up with Nikola's insistence in emptying her wine cellar, Helen decides to take a stand and hides all of her wine and replacing it; much to the vampire's annoyance. The chapters following the first will explain everything that has been going on. ;) Note: title subject to change, because I'm not sure it completely goes with the story.


This is the first chapter in this little multi-chapter story. I'm not sure when the other installments will be finished; I've got to work out the kinks in the ideas and get to writing them, as well as work on a couple other stories I'm doing, so… just keep an eye out, I suppose.

I want to thank SexyTeslaNubbins (or STN as I'm now going to call her) for coming up with the original basis for the story; Magnus hiding her wine and replacing it on Tesla. It was that idea that spurred me into writing this little thing. I do hope to make the next few chapters longer, if I can. If I can't… I'll have to deal.

Now that this long author's note is done… enjoy the 700 and some-odd words of fluff! [And a bit of naked Tesla. ;)]

* * *

_"What did you do?"_ Upon hearing the voice of the rather irate, over a century old vampire named Nikola Tesla, Helen Magnus calmly turned her attention from the screen of her computer to him.

"What do you mean?" she asked innocently, the only thing giving her away being the hint of amusement dancing in her eyes. Nikola scowled at her.

"You know _exactly_ what I mean," he growled, holding up what looked to be a bottle of wine. "What the hell is _this_?" he slammed the offending bottle down onto the desk, watching as she gave first it, and then him equally curious looks.

"A bottle of wine?" she replied. "Considering you're always raiding my cellar, I would think you would know that."

"That," he sent a scathing look at the bottle, "Is not wine. What did you do?" he repeated his original statement, turning his annoyed glare on her. Helen shrugged.

"I didn't do anything," she responded. "Are you sure that it isn't wine?"

"Of course I'm sure! I know what wine tastes like; and that is most certainly not ittt..." The last word came out slurred, and he blinked, wobbling slightly. "What... did... you... dooo?" Eyes round with surprise, she half stood just as he toppled over.

"Nikola!" Running around the side of her desk, she knelt down beside him just in time for him to give her a mildly drugged look before he passed out. "Bloody hell."

Turning, she warily eyed the bottle on her desk. Grabbing it, she popped open the top and took a light sniff. Smelled like grape juice; no surprise there. She'd decided to hide every single bottle of wine that she had in the entire Sanctuary and replace it with bottles of grape juice in an effort to keep him from emptying her wine cellar. It wasn't, however, meant to make him pass out. She placed the bottle back onto her desk and eyed Nikola curiously.

Lips quirking into a mischievous smile, she stood and half picked up his limp form; he was bloody heavy for such a skinny man. Dragging him off down the hall, her mind whirled with the possibilities of what she could do to him in his current state.

Groaning, Nikola began to regain consciousness. Shivering, he squirmed about, trying, and failing miserably, to shift away from the cold currently assaulting his entire body.

Blinking open his eyes, he paled. The thin coating of snow completely covering his rather naked body certainly explained why he was so cold. Trying to wipe said snow away, he paused, thrashing against the restraints that he found around his wrists and ankles. Experimentally, he thrashed again. Damn. They were vampire proof too.

Eyes narrowed, he examined the part of the Sanctuary's roof he was currently stuck on. A quick scan of the area killed his hopes of finding something that would potentially set him free. Instead, he found a note, positioned underneath an upturned container to keep from getting wet. If he squinted, he could just see through the clear container.

"Nikola," it read. "Perhaps now you'll think before emptying my wine cellar.

Yours, Helen.

PS. You can blame "the children", as you call them, for the tranquilizers, by the way."

At this, Nikola let out a furious growl, briefly morphing into his vampire visage in his fury. He was going to kill all of them when he got free. He was going to chain them to the wall (he paused in his murderous thoughts momentarily as his thoughts drifted to everything he could potentially do to Helen with her in that position... kissing... touching... a few kinky things that he probably shouldn't mention lest she somehow find out and hurt him…) and then torture and kill them. Slowly.

As the snow began to fall faster, Nikola let out a loud string of curses in Serbian, narrowing his eyes as he just managed to spot Helen walking down the hall through one of the windows across the way. Swearing once more under his breath for good measure, he let out a rather loud yell, failing to notice Helen's amused look as she just barely heard him and turned to look in his direction.

"HELEN! GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!"

* * *

Again, I want to thank my lovely friend, STN, for thinking up the basis of this idea in the first place. Also, I want to recommend her story: "Vampires: Just Add Morphine." Think: Tesla, high on drugs. You simply can't not love it. –hugs Tesla-

As a final note, reviews are always lovely, so please, don't read and run! It only takes a few quick seconds to type a little message and hit the review button!


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